Our Sick Game 2014

Buck O'Neil, 94, appears in the current issue of Esquire magazine. Sweet Valley Death's 47th round draft pick is featured in the "What I've Learned" column. Here are a few of the things Buck has learned over his long life.

• A nickname means you belong.
• Gates. That's the best barbecue in Kansas City. Beef on a bun and baked beans. Hallelujah!
• Like the person you love. That's how you have a long marriage.
• I'm going to the doctor tomorrow at the University of Kansas medical center. They're doing a study on Alzheimer's disease, and they want to know how come my memory's so good. They want to see if exercise can help eliminate that disease.

Good on ya, Buck.

Alright men, gather 'round. I want to talk about this season of Our Sick Game. The first quarter of the campaign is now complete. Three months down, nine to go. I like what I see so far from Ewing Oil and Sweet Valley Death. These are two well-managed, well-coached teams. Take it from me, Ravens head coach and winner of Super Bowl XXXV Brian Billick, as someone who knows a thing or two about well-coached teams. I didn't get to this stage by being anything less than stellar in each and every aspect of my life.

Now here's what: I've spent the last three months watching Our Sick Game play out, and you know something? I love it. I love the joy of watching these teams fight to the death. Nobody else seems to understand why Ewing Oil and Sweet Valley Death are playing this game. It's for the joy of playing. They play because they love to play. And, they love death.

Some thoughts on these teams, so pay attention. I have the floor, and you all are here to listen to me. Ewing Oil has the talent, the experience, and the understanding of what it takes to win the championship. They can do it this year, they can do it again next year, and perhaps the year after, the way they're structured.

At the beginning of Janury, Sweet Valley Death, I was ready to kiss your ass. Then you got a huge lead and guys stopped dying. That's no good. I can get any slapdick to reach his 79th birthday. You can't afford to build a 71-point lead and then piss down your leg after five weeks.

Vince Lombardi once said that he didn't develop character, he just takes eighty guys and finds fifty-three with the most character. It's time for both teams to step up and find out who on their rosters have character. It's time for the sleepers to become keepers, and keepers to become first-ballot hall of famers. You both have something to play for, something to reach for, something to work for. Gentlemen, let it start now.

With a total of six bodies toed and bagged after three months of competition, Ewing Oil now leads Sweet Valley Death by a score of 116-89. A quick recap:

Sweet Valley Death: January -- Lou Rawls (moneyball), 56, Shelly Winters, 15
February -- Al Lewis, 18

Ewing Oil: January -- Coretta Scott King, 22
February -- Don Knotts (moneyball), 38
March -- Dana Reeve, 56