Our Sick Game 2014

Greetings!

How y'all doing? Good, good. I just wanted to take some time today and fill you in on Ewing Oil's game plan for this season and to talk about what's happened so far. Well, looks like ol' J.R. and Ewing Oil have proven that the cream always rises to the top. I know it took a few weeks for us to find our footing, but you didn't really think that Sweet Valley Death could keep us down all season, now didya? No, I didn't think so.

Through supreme scouting and drafting, Ewing Oil has once again positioned itself to be the premiere franchise in Our Sick Game. This year we've said "howdy" and "git-along now!" to three of our own: Coretta Scott King, Don Knotts and Dana Reeve. We couldn't be happier with our production. In that group you have a 22-pointer, a Moneyball designee worth 38 points, and a 56-pointer. I don't mind boastin', but that's a mighty good way to spread the wealth. We here at Ewing Oil like to get the most bang we can for our buck. It's our way of rewarding the investors, you the fans who root us along on our way to glory -- one corpse at a time.

Now I don't like to kick the competition when its down, but you know I couldn't use this forum and not mention my friends at Sweet Valley Death. Boy, I tell you what, they've yet to meet a 71-point lead they couldn't squander. To think at one point they had Ewing Oil down 71-0 and couldn't finish the deal. We have a saying we like to use here in Texas to describe things like Sweet Valley Death: "All hat, no cattle." That's what they are, all bluff, and no stuff. You heard me. Now what are you gonna do about it? Have one of your 90-year olds die? You've got me shaking in my $3,000 boots!

So where does Ewing Oil go from here? I think we have a lot of dying left to do between now and December 31. Just look at some of our up-and-comers:

Sadaam Hussein: Now who really expects him to live through the year? His day of reckoning is close at hand.
The Golden Girls: Pick one, any one. We've got 'em all. You honestly don't expect 2006 to come and go without at least one of them dying?
Gary Glitter: We'll he's just dug quite a hole for himself, now hasn't he? Couple years in a Viet-namese jail for child molestation. Woo-eee. I like the way that ol' boy thinks!
Mel Brooks: Never underestimate the power of missing your deceased spouse.

Finally, I can't wait until the July 4th supplemental draft. Even if I have to pick second, I've got a doozy lined up that you won't want to miss. So keep on following along, we've got more coming your way. And Sweet Valley Death: you'd be wise not to cross Ewing Oil, ya hear?