Monday, October 30, 2006

 

SEEING RED: Ewing Oil Back In Front

In this upside-down, topsy-turvy season of Our Sick Game, leads have been as safe as a night patrol on the streets of Baghdad. Just as Sweet Valley Death once had a 70+ point lead, Ewing Oil once blew a comfortable lead of its own. Now the tables have turned yet again as Ewing Oil finds itself in the lead with two months to go in the season. "Red" Auerbach, 89, one of the legends of professional basketball, died over the weekend. Ewing Oil's 18th round draft pick, Auerbach is survived by 11 critical points that have resulted in a 127-123.5 lead for the defending champions.

"This is the day we've been waiting for since our last death all the way back in March," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "If it seems like it was a long time since Dana Reeve died, it's because it has been. We always had a lot of faith in 'Red,' and knew he would be a valuable player for us. I just hope the Celtics see fit for us to raise our championship banners in their arena."

# posted by The Commissioner @ 5:42 AM 0 comments

Saturday, October 14, 2006

 

Buck Stops Here

Add Buck O' Neil to Sweet Valley Death's growing list of casualties, as the Our Sick Game juggernaut continues its march to the 2006 championship. The former Negro League batting champion, 94, died on October 6 in a Kansas City hospital. His death increases Sweet Valley Death's lead over Ewing Oil by 7.5 points, 123.5-116.

The death of O' Neil has rattled the normally unrattlable Ewing Oil camp. A spokesperson for Ewing Oil concedes that O' Neil's death is "definitely a blow."

"One thing I can say about Sweet Valley Death is that they have depth. They drafted smartly and you can see those picks starting to pay off. I don't even want to mention the former president on their roster who is always in some hospital or another getting tests for God-knows-what. My hat is off to their organization for their recent accomplishment. But rest assured: Ewing Oil will be heard from before the season is done."

# posted by The Commissioner @ 1:27 PM 0 comments

Sunday, October 01, 2006

 

At the End of September...

After nine months, seven bodies and one failed insurance policy later, Sweet Valley Death has retaken first place from Ewing Oil and leads by the score 117.5-116.

A recap:

Sweet Valley Death: January -- Lou Rawls (moneyball), 56, Shelly Winters, 15
February -- Al Lewis, 18
July -- Insurance taken out on Fidel Castro (7/31), 10.5
September -- Patricia Lawford Kennedy, 18

Ewing Oil: January -- Coretta Scott King, 22
February -- Don Knotts (moneyball), 38
March -- Dana Reeve, 56

# posted by The Commissioner @ 9:41 AM 0 comments

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