Wednesday, January 10, 2007
2006 Our Sick Game Year In Review, Part 2
On July 30, 2006, Ewing Oil found itself in an enviable position. It led Sweet Valley Death 116-89, a fairly comfortable margin at a point when neither team had enjoyed a death since March. Ewing Oil was, quite literally, on top of the world looking down on creation. Sweet Valley Death needed a miracle to get back into the game, but what it had instead was a sickly Cuban dictator named Fidel.
When Ewing Oil learned that Fidel Castro had temporarily relinquished power to his brother Raul, the news rocked the league-leader to its foundation. Castro represented a possible 21 points for Sweet Valley Death. His demise would put S.V.D. back in the game, as well as providing a tremendous momentum boost. When Ewing Oil took out an insurance policy on Castro, Sweet Valley Death immediately earned half of his total value, 10.5 points. As the world held its breath to see if Castro would survive his surgery and recovery, Ewing Oil staked its season on the hopes that he would not. When the 10-day insurance period passed, Ewing Oil became defenseless in the event Castro died before the end of the season. Sweet Valley Death would not only keep the 10.5 points, but would also be rewarded his total value at the time of his death, a potential 31.5 point swing.
"It really made sense to us at the time," says a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We didn't know Castro would live. We had the chance to prevent Sweet Valley Death from gaining 21 points. It was a good deal on paper that soured towards the end."
Ewing Oil's misstep had immediate ramifications when Patricia Lawford Kennedy died in September, earning Sweet Valley Death 18 points to give them a 117.5-116 lead. Ewing Oil could only watch in horror as a once-sizable 27 point lead had evaporated by virtue of a failed insurance policy and the death of a Kennedy. Sweet Valley Death continued to pile on a month later with the passing of Buck O'Neil, who earned his team 6 additional points and a 123.5-116 lead. Down but not deterred, Red Auerbach's death at the age of 89 at the end of October put Ewing Oil back in control, 127-123.5. His 11 points turned the tide in favor of Ewing Oil once again, but a scoreless November would set the stage for the wildest finish in the history of Our Sick Game.
"Looking back, it's easy to see we were guilty of watching the scoreboard, just counting down the clock," says a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We got tight and failed to make the right moves. We needed a Richard Pryor, but what we got was Bea Arthur."
What Sweet Valley Death got, with its 50th and final pick in the 2006 draft, was Joe Barbera. The least likely of playmakers, Barbera's death at the age of 95 provided a salt-in-the-wound blow to Ewing Oil. Not only did they lose another lead to S.V.D., but Barbera put his team ahead 128.5-127, a difference of 1.5 points. Ewing Oil's long, national nightmare continued as it saw Gerald Ford finally realize his potential, passing away at the age of 93. The 37th President of the United States contributed seven points to S.V.D., extending its lead over Ewing Oil to 135.5-127. With only days remaining in the game, Ewing Oil would need to turn to one of its strongest players to save the day: Saddam Hussein.
Following the report that Hussein would be executed on the final weekend of the year, Sweet Valley Death took out its lone insurance policy on the 69-year old Hussein. In an instant, Ewing Oil regained control with the 15.5 points awarded at the moment of insurance to take a 142.5-135.5 lead. Ewing Oil knew that its only shot for winning the season would be for Hussein's execution to take place after December 31, otherwise his points would be canceled out, Sweet Valley Death would earn 15.5 points, and thus, the win. What could have been an agonizing waiting game for Sweet Valley Death turned into ecstasy as the Iraqis, true to their word, executed Hussein on December 30. Ewing Oil could only watch in horror as news reports confirmed his death. Then, when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2007, Our Sick Game had a new champion. Sweet Valley Death had used insurance to its advantage at the last possible moment, upending the defending champions and denying them Hussein's coveted 31 points. The final score of 151-142.5 represented an astonishing amount of scoring which featured 12 deaths, and two insurance policies: one a failure, and one a success. The 2006 season is one that will never be forgotten, but fans of Our Sick Game can only hope that 2007 lives up to the classic that played out in 2006.
When Ewing Oil learned that Fidel Castro had temporarily relinquished power to his brother Raul, the news rocked the league-leader to its foundation. Castro represented a possible 21 points for Sweet Valley Death. His demise would put S.V.D. back in the game, as well as providing a tremendous momentum boost. When Ewing Oil took out an insurance policy on Castro, Sweet Valley Death immediately earned half of his total value, 10.5 points. As the world held its breath to see if Castro would survive his surgery and recovery, Ewing Oil staked its season on the hopes that he would not. When the 10-day insurance period passed, Ewing Oil became defenseless in the event Castro died before the end of the season. Sweet Valley Death would not only keep the 10.5 points, but would also be rewarded his total value at the time of his death, a potential 31.5 point swing.
"It really made sense to us at the time," says a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We didn't know Castro would live. We had the chance to prevent Sweet Valley Death from gaining 21 points. It was a good deal on paper that soured towards the end."
Ewing Oil's misstep had immediate ramifications when Patricia Lawford Kennedy died in September, earning Sweet Valley Death 18 points to give them a 117.5-116 lead. Ewing Oil could only watch in horror as a once-sizable 27 point lead had evaporated by virtue of a failed insurance policy and the death of a Kennedy. Sweet Valley Death continued to pile on a month later with the passing of Buck O'Neil, who earned his team 6 additional points and a 123.5-116 lead. Down but not deterred, Red Auerbach's death at the age of 89 at the end of October put Ewing Oil back in control, 127-123.5. His 11 points turned the tide in favor of Ewing Oil once again, but a scoreless November would set the stage for the wildest finish in the history of Our Sick Game.
"Looking back, it's easy to see we were guilty of watching the scoreboard, just counting down the clock," says a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We got tight and failed to make the right moves. We needed a Richard Pryor, but what we got was Bea Arthur."
What Sweet Valley Death got, with its 50th and final pick in the 2006 draft, was Joe Barbera. The least likely of playmakers, Barbera's death at the age of 95 provided a salt-in-the-wound blow to Ewing Oil. Not only did they lose another lead to S.V.D., but Barbera put his team ahead 128.5-127, a difference of 1.5 points. Ewing Oil's long, national nightmare continued as it saw Gerald Ford finally realize his potential, passing away at the age of 93. The 37th President of the United States contributed seven points to S.V.D., extending its lead over Ewing Oil to 135.5-127. With only days remaining in the game, Ewing Oil would need to turn to one of its strongest players to save the day: Saddam Hussein.
Following the report that Hussein would be executed on the final weekend of the year, Sweet Valley Death took out its lone insurance policy on the 69-year old Hussein. In an instant, Ewing Oil regained control with the 15.5 points awarded at the moment of insurance to take a 142.5-135.5 lead. Ewing Oil knew that its only shot for winning the season would be for Hussein's execution to take place after December 31, otherwise his points would be canceled out, Sweet Valley Death would earn 15.5 points, and thus, the win. What could have been an agonizing waiting game for Sweet Valley Death turned into ecstasy as the Iraqis, true to their word, executed Hussein on December 30. Ewing Oil could only watch in horror as news reports confirmed his death. Then, when the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2007, Our Sick Game had a new champion. Sweet Valley Death had used insurance to its advantage at the last possible moment, upending the defending champions and denying them Hussein's coveted 31 points. The final score of 151-142.5 represented an astonishing amount of scoring which featured 12 deaths, and two insurance policies: one a failure, and one a success. The 2006 season is one that will never be forgotten, but fans of Our Sick Game can only hope that 2007 lives up to the classic that played out in 2006.
