Our Sick Game 2014

Now, I know y’all have been waiting to hear from Ewing Oil. Waiting to talk about what just happened. Believe me, I’ve wanted to talk about this too. You see, just a few days a go Ewing Oil got kicked – and kicked hard. Despite our best efforts, we failed to win the 2006 season of Our Sick Game. Saddam Hussein did his best for us, but we we’re ruined once again by a doggone insurance policy. That brings me to my next point.
As Owner/President/General Manager of Ewing Oil, I take full responsibility for allowing this season to slip away. On July 31, I did what I thought was the right thing by taking out an insurance policy on Fidel Castro. He seemed to be in his dying hours and I truly wanted to prevent Sweet Valley Death from earning 21 points. Of course, my plan backfired and that bearded son of a bitch is still alive today. Sweet Valley Death got 10.5 points the easy way, and as you know, they won the game by less than that amount. It hurts. But I’m not here to whine or wallow in my misery. I’m here to say that in 2007, Ewing Oil is going to be back bigger and better than ever.
I truly love our new roster, I really do. Ariel Sharon, our first overall pick, is the real deal. Why, right now he’s lying in some Tel Aviv hospital bed in a coma. If that don’t give you goose bumps, I don’t know what will! Suzanne Pleshette, this season’s Moneyball designee, is a five-tool performer. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Just wait, you’ll see. You like old women? Gloria Stuart, Jane Wyman, Olivia de Havilland, Lady Bird Johnson, Helen Thomas, and Phyllis Diller could all go at anytime. Fan favorites Walter Cronkite, Elizabeth Taylor, Andy Rooney and Ed McMahon are due for breakout seasons as well. So my advice to all you fans of Ewing Oil is this: don't bet against us. We temporarily lost our grip in 2006, but seeing someone else hold the Johnny Carson Cup has just made us want it more. And Ewing Oil always gets what it wants, no matter who or what, is standing in the way.