Our Sick Game 2014

Okay, let's get down to business and set the stage for this year's 4th of July Supplemental Draft. To me this is the most exciting time of the year! The Internet is buzzing with speculation and we've all done HUNDREDS of mock drafts by now in preparation for the big day.

In past season's of Our Sick Game, the 4th of July draft has produced its share of triumphs and disappointments. Who can forget Peter Jennings, the television anchor out of New York, who came through for Ewing Oil and DIED within weeks of his selection. You simply can't draft any better than that! Or what about Ismail Haniya, the 43-year-old dynamo from Hamas? Sure, he didn't quite pan out, but he showed GREAT potential in his short time in the game. He's sure to be a fixture on the scene for many years to come.

Now, let's breakdown this year's draft. Ewing Oil, not looking good sitting 164 points back to Sweet Valley Death. What do you do? If you're Ewing Oil you GOTTA draft for the future. There is no quick fix when you are down this much. You can take the best player available, an Elizabeth Edwards, a Tony Snow, an Ismail Haniya, if you will, and hope they make it into January. There is no sense of urgency right now for Ewing Oil. If I were a betting man, I wouldn't put it past them to take a gambit on a young, BLUE-CHIP prospect like Lindsay Lohan. We've been hearing a lot from this sensation from Southern Cal, and Ewing Oil could tie up her rights for many years to come.

Now, on to Sweet Valley Death, the surprise of this season of Our Sick Game. Who knew back in December they'd produce this much fire power? Top to bottom, one of the deepest and best-drafted rosters in the HISTORY of Our Sick Game! From where I'm sitting I don't see ANY holes in this lineup. So what to do with the extra pick? My sources tell me that Sweet Valley Death is committed to having a death in every month this season. So far the streak is alive at six months. If you're Sweet Valley Death, then you got a think rent-a-player! It doesn't matter if the person is 99 years old, you're just looking for another DEATH to add to the already growing pile of bodies.

Here's what I think's gonna happen. In my latest mock draft, I have ELIZABETH EDWARDS from North Carolina going to Ewing Oil with the number one pick. With the second pick, I see TONY CURTIS of Bel-Air as a nice addition for a Sweet Valley Death team looking for some immediate return. Visit my site, www.oursickgamemockdrafts.com, for scouting reports on all the potential draft picks in this year's class, and be sure to check back in on July 5th for my analysis of this year's draft!

Yes sir, we've got a good year going here in Our Sick Game. S.V.D. is really clicking and there's nothing more fun to watch than a vastly superior team kicking the guts out of a weak opponent. Sweet Danny Wuerffel, I sure do love watching a team running up the score.

I know a lot of people are saying that it's time to let up on the gas. S.V.D. has scored enough points to win this year no matter what happens, and they'd be better off saving some of these deaths for next season. That's horse puckey, son. When you're playing a game you need to win by as much as possible at all costs. God bless that science guy for understanding that and not waiting to die of his painful bone cancer. That's what I call being a winner.

I only pray that someday I'll get my chance to play in this glorious game. When that day comes, I'll give it my all the way that great players do. Maybe I'll bring Shane Matthews with me.

TV legend Don Herbert, also known as Mr. Wizard, pulled off his greatest science project yet earlier this week when he met his demise from bone cancer at the age of 89. His death, and accompanying 11 points, keeps Sweet Valley Death's streak of death's in each month this season alive, while increasing its lead to a preposterous 164-0.

"This one hurts more than all the others because Mr. Wizard was our find back in 2006," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "Unfortunately we didn't protect him and Sweet Valley Death was able to take him away from us pretty early on in last year's draft. Those are the breaks."

With five months now in the books, the slaughter continues as Sweet Valley Death extended its lead to a mind-numbing 153-0 lead over Ewing Oil. A recap:

Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Art Buchwald, 19
February -- Anna Nicole Smith, 61
March -- Ernest Gallo, 3
April -- Kitty Carlisle Hart, 4, Boris Yeltsin, 24, Tom Poston, 15
May -- Jerry Falwell, 27

Ewing Oil:
None