Our Sick Game 2014

In a stunning display of quick-strike ability the likes of which Our Sick Game has never seen, Ewing Oil capped a historic day with the passing of Bill Walsh, its second death in a 24-hour period. Walsh, 75, followed the lead of Ingmar Bergman, 89, who gave his life for Ewing Oil on Sunday. The back-to-back deaths, worth 11 and 25 points respectively, have given Ewing Oil new life. The moribund franchise, which entered the month of July trailing by 164 points, has used four deaths in the month of July to cut that deficit to 164-77 with five months left in the season.

"That was unreal," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "First we get the call about Bergman, and while we're in the middle of celebrating that we hear that Walsh died, too. That is what I call true leadership. Bill Walsh, our 2nd rounder, was not about to be shown up by Ingmar freakin' Bergman. No way. Say what you want about the first six months of the season, but yesterday will go down in the books as the greatest day in Ewing Oil history."