Our Sick Game 2014

Sweet Valley Death, the juggernaut that just keeps on truckin', completed the first official hat trick in Our Sick Game history yesterday following the death of actress Suzanne Pleshette, 70. Although her death earned S.V.D. 30 points, it also garnered an additional 10 points as part of the newly instituted hat trick bonus for three deaths in a calendar month. S.V.D. now leads the bumbling Ewing Oil squad 62-0 just 21 days into the new season.

What's particularly galling about this death, from the perspective of Ewing Oil, is that not only did Pleshette spend 2007 on the Oil roster, but was designated as its moneyball player!

"We have no one to blame for this disaster but ourselves," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "S.V.D. took her with the number six pick in this year's draft. Realistically, if we weren't going to make her a keeper -- which we most definitely should have -- we shouldn't have let her hang around past the top five. "

"This is a huge swing in the game, and I wouldn't be surprised if it costs us dearly. We're clearly going to need a lot of points again this season, and I hope this is a wake-up call for you, Ron Springs. Let's do this thing."