Monday, December 31, 2012

 

SVD, 2012 Champion

Congratulations to the winner of Our Sick Game 2012, Sweet Valley Death, 291.5 to 287.5 victors over Ewing Oil. This is their 4th overall championship (2006, 2007, 2008, 2012.) Each team has now won 4 championships.

As champion of Our Sick Game, Sweet Valley Death has earned a year with the Johnny Carson Cup, the most hallowed and cherished trophy in the world. In addition, SVD's prize will be a $50 gift card to Best Buy.

# posted by The Commissioner @ 11:34 PM 0 comments
 

Ewing Oil Draft Results

With the first overall pick, Sweet Valley Death selected Robin Roberts. Here are the rest of Ewing Oil's 2013 draft picks, listed alphabetically followed by their age and location drafted.

Steven Adler, 47 (2)
Buzz Aldrin, 82 (18)
Paul Allen, 59 (3)
Julian Assange, 41 (22)
Gary Busey, 68 (28)
Hillary Clinton, 65 (4)
Mike Ditka, 73 (9)
Michael Douglas, 68 (14)
Bob Dylan, 71 (16)
Leif Garrett, 51 (27)
Stefani Germanotta, 26 (29)
John Glenn, 91 (13)
Gordie Howe, 84 (32)
George Kennedy, 87 (31)
B.B. King, 87 (17)
Larry King, 79 (24)
Tommy Lasorda, 85 (5)
Jerry Lewis, 86 (6)
Walter Mondale, 84 (15)
Rupert Murdoch, 81 (21)
Wayne Newton, 70 (34)
Barack Obama, 51 (35)
Chuck Pagano, 52 (23)
William Perry, 50 (20)
Burt Reynolds, 76 (33)
Robin Roberts, 52 (1)
Pat Robertson, 82 (11)
Dennis Rodman, 51 (30)
Charlie Sheen, 47 (19)
Don Shula, 82 (12)
Tom Sizemore, 51 (26)
Prince Harry of Wales, 28 (10)
Burt Young, 72 (25)
Don Zimmer, 81 (8)
Ethan Zohn, 39 (7)

# posted by The Commissioner @ 7:18 PM 0 comments
 

Sweet Valley Death Draft Results

With the second overall pick, Sweet Valley Death selected singer Bobby Womack. Here are the rest of Sweet Valley Death's 2013 draft picks, listed alphabetically followed by their age and location drafted.

Maya Angelou, 84 (12)
Conrad Bain, 89 (3)
Jason Becker, 43 (18)
Yogi Berra, 87 (14)
Richard Branson, 62 (21)
Chris Brown, 23 (35)
Jim Brown, 76 (32)
Glenn Campbell, 76 (2)
Richard Chamberlain, 78 (30)
Chris Christie, 50 (34)
Leonard Cohen, 78 (17)
David Crosby, 71 (7)
Doris Day, 90 (25)
Bob Dole, 89 (8)
Corey Feldman, 41 (22)
James Garner, 84 (5)
Barry Gibb, 66 (26)
Ron Glass, 67 (33)
Dan Harmon, 40 (36)
Bobby Heenan, 68 (28)
Dina Lohan, 50 (4)
Bernie Madoff, 74 (13)
Gary Marshall, 78 (31)
Ralphie May, 40 (20)
Pippa Middleton, 29 (10)
Ryan O' Neal, 72 (23)
Willie Nelson, 79 (15)
Nick Nolte, 71 (9)
Ross Perot, 82 (19)
Sidney Poitier, 85 (6)
Vin Scully, 85 (11)
June Shannon, 33 (27)
OJ Simpson, 65 (16)
Nick Stahl, 33 (29)
Steven Tobolowsky, 61 (37)
Robert Wagner, 82 (24)
Bobby Womack, 68 (1)

# posted by The Commissioner @ 7:14 PM 0 comments
 

Don't Forget the Keepers...

Rounding out the lineup for Ewing Oil and Sweet Valley Death are 10 keepers from the 2012 rosters.
Ewing Oil:

Casey Anthony, 25
Hugo Chavez, 58
Gay Culverhouse, 64
Wayne Flemming, 62
George Karl, 61
Michael Lohan, 52
Brett Michaels, 49
Hosni Mubarak, 84
Buddy Ryan, 77
Joran Van Der Sloot, 24

Sweet Valley Death:

Ted DiBiase, 58
Gene Hackman, 82
Hulk Hogan, 59
Joe Jackson, 83
Connie Needham, 53
Evi Quaid, 48
Randy Quaid, 62
Jimmy Snuka, 69
Orlando Thomas, 39
Roderick Toombs, 58

# posted by The Commissioner @ 7:04 PM 0 comments
 

Don't Forget the Grandfathers

Ewing Oil:
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 65
Muhammad Ali, 70
Pamela Anderson, 45
F. Lee Bailey, 79
Bob Barker, 89
Mel Brooks, 86
Bobby Brown, 43
Barbara Bush, 87
Jimmy Carter, 87
Rosalyn Carter, 86
Dick Cheney, 71
Bill Clinton, 66
Bill Cosby, 75
Andy Dick, 47
Conrad Dobler, 62
Pete Dominici, 80
Clint Eastwood, 81
Roger Ebert, 70
Luis Echeverria, 90
Annette Funicello, 70
Malcolm Glazer, 84
Merle Haggard, 75
Scott Hall, 54
Hugh Hefner, 86
Hal Holbrook, 87
Terry Jones, 70
Ken Kercheval, 77
Henry Kissinger, 89
Martin Landau, 84
Artie Lange, 45
Angela Lansbury, 87
Phil Lesh, 72
Jerry Lee Lewis, 77
Lindsay Lohan, 26
Courtney Love, 48
Loretta Lynn, 78
Nelson Mandella, 94
Bob Newhart, 83
Ferdie Pacheco, 85
Don Pardo, 94
Bum Phillips, 89
Pope Benedict XVI, 85
Charlotte Rae, 86
Nancy Reagan, 91
Keith Richards, 69
Nicole Richie, 31
Bill Russell, 78
Ariel Sharon, 84
Britney Spears, 31
Phil Spector, 73
Harry Dean Stanton, 86
Helen Thomas, 92
Mike Tyson, 46
Eli Wallach, 97
Paul Zimmerman, 80

Sweet Valley Death:

Iyad Allawi, 67
Louis Anderson, 59
Kurt Angle, 44
Ed Asner, 83
Chuck Bednarik, 87
Chuck Berry, 86
Ronnie Biggs, 83
Bobby Bowden, 83
Wilford Brimley, 78
George H.W. Bush, 88
Earl Campbell, 57
Fidel Castro, 86
Tommy Chong, 74
Beverly Cleary, 96
Sean Connery, 82
John Daly, 46
Ruby Dee, 88
Blake Fielder-Civil, 30
Michael J. Fox, 51
Aretha Franklin, 70
Frank Gifford, 82
Mikhail Gorbachev, 81
David Hasselhoff, 60
Stephen Hawking, 70
Keith Jackson, 84
Christopher Lee, 90
Mindy McReady, 37
Liza Minelli, 66
Roger Moore, 85
Tracy Morgan, 44
Stan Musial, 92
Leonard Nimoy, 81
Chuck Noll, 80
Mary Kate Olsen, 26
Arnold Palmer, 83
Prince Phillip, 91
Frederick Pohl, 93
Queen Elizabeth II, 86
Carl Reiner, 90
Don Rickles, 86
Samantha Ronson, 35
Mickey Rooney, 92
Pat Summerall, 82
Donald Sutherland, 77
Margaret Thatcher, 87
Vern Troyer, 43
Dick Van Patten, 84
Jack Vance, 96
Abe Vigoda, 91
Scott Weiland, 45
Betty White, 90
Gene Wilder, 79
Jonathan Winters, 87
Chuck Yeager, 89

# posted by The Commissioner @ 6:59 PM 0 comments

Saturday, December 29, 2012

 

EO Discovers a July Death

An unreported death on Ewing Oil in July by Jon Lord, 71, has narrowed the score to 291.5 to 287.5 with just three days left in the season!

# posted by The Commissioner @ 10:29 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

 

Ewing Oil Adds Death Late

The death of Charles Durning (89) has added 11 points to Ewing Oil's total, but they still trail Sweet Valley Death by a score of 291.5 to 258.5 with just a week left in the season.

# posted by The Commissioner @ 4:11 PM 0 comments

Friday, December 21, 2012

 

At the End of November...

With eleven months down, Sweet Valley Death leads Ewing Oil by a score of 291.5 to 247.5.

Ewing Oil:
January -- Joe Paterno, 7.5
February -- Gary Carter, 86
May -- Robin Gibb, 38,  Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed Al Megrahi, 40
June -- Ray Bradbury, 9
August -- Neil Armstrong, 18
September -- Art Modell, 14, Andy Williams, 16
November -- Larry Hagman, 19

Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Etta James, 54, * Successful insurance taken on Joe Paterno, 7.5
February -- Whitney Houston, 52
April -- Dwayne Schinzius, 57, Dick Clark, 18
June -- Richard Dawson, 21
July -- Andy Griffith, 14
August -- *Unsuccessful insurance taken on Blake Fielder-Civil, 35
October -- Alex Karras, 23, George McGovern 10

# posted by The Commissioner @ 7:58 AM 0 comments

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