Tuesday, August 15, 2006

 

GUEST COLUMN: Hamas's Ismail Haniya

I'm in this game because I love it. For the past few months, the only thing that has been able to take my mind off the continuing occupation by the Zionist forces is this wonderful, wonderful game. I'll never forget the morning I got the phone call that Sweet Valley Death (Praise be their name) had selected me over mock-draft favorite Ariel Sharon. They told me that they liked the direction I was headed in. When I hung up I kissed my three beautiful kids, hugged my wife Ann, and thanked Allah for blessing me. I had made it.

And now, as Mr. Sharon lies in an Isr... err.. Zionist hospital so very near death, I've started to read on the fan sites that S.V.D. made a huge mistake in taking me. And for this insult I am putting a Jihad on them. Am I not the Prime Minister of Palestine and the political leader of Hamas? Do I not have enemy soldiers in my basement in this very house as I type this? Am I not in my forties? How can my value be questioned? Do people honestly believe that those cowardly dog Zionists have forgotten about me? That Lebanon (a great bunch of guys) is keeping them so busy they can't send one squad of commandos to take care of me? It's not like I'm hiding; I'm home right now. You can find me at 1478 Sycamore Lane just like always. I'm sure that if Little Ceaser's can find the house, my enemies can as well.

But I'm not depending on Zionist ability, believe me. If they should fail to do the job, I will still do my glorious team proud. December is a glorious month for a suicide bombing, don't you think?

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