Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Wyman Dead at 90
Ewing Oil continued its amazing streak yesterday with the death of actress Jane Wyman at the age of 90. While some reports indicated her age to be 93, Wyman lied about her age on a marriage certificate as a sixteen year old, claiming instead to be nineteen. As a result, Ewing Oil earns 10 points for Wyman, thus cutting the Sweet Valley Death lead to 164-134."The past eight weeks have far surpassed my expectations for this team," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "That's seven in a row now, unanswered. We're within 30 points. I couldn't be any prouder of the way this team has responded to adversity -- and by adversity I mean trailing by 164 points in July."
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Pavarotti Dead; Ewing Oil Now Within 40
Ewing Oil continued its march back into contention this morning following the death of Opera singer Luciano Pavarotti of pancreatic cancer. Pavarotti, 71, leaves behind millions of fans and, equally as important, 29 huge points for his team Ewing Oil. Sweet Valley Death's lead has now been reduced to 40 points, 164-124, with still over three months left in the game. Pavarotti marks the sixth consecutive death for Ewing Oil dating to early July, when it trailed Sweet Valley Death by a then-seemingly insurmountable deficit of 164-0."It's just been an amazing run so far and I don't think it's over by any means," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We're within 40 points now. That's one really good death, or two pretty good ones, from taking the lead. In fact, we're just a Suzanne Pleshette away from really giving Sweet Valley Death some sleepless nights."
Sunday, September 02, 2007
At the end of August...
With eight months now in the books, Ewing Oil has cut into Sweet Valley Death's lead with 5 consecutive deaths to make the score 164-95. A recap:
Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Art Buchwald, 19
February -- Anna Nicole Smith, 61
March -- Ernest Gallo, 3
April -- Kitty Carlisle Hart, 4, Boris Yeltsin, 24, Tom Poston, 15
May -- Jerry Falwell, 27
June -- Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert, 11
Ewing Oil:
July -- Lady Bird Johnson, 6, Tammy Faye Messner, 35, Ingmar Bergman, 11, Bill Walsh, 25
August -- Merv Griffin, 18
Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Art Buchwald, 19
February -- Anna Nicole Smith, 61
March -- Ernest Gallo, 3
April -- Kitty Carlisle Hart, 4, Boris Yeltsin, 24, Tom Poston, 15
May -- Jerry Falwell, 27
June -- Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert, 11
Ewing Oil:
July -- Lady Bird Johnson, 6, Tammy Faye Messner, 35, Ingmar Bergman, 11, Bill Walsh, 25
August -- Merv Griffin, 18
