Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Ewing Oil Not Even Close to Dunne
For the second time this season, Ewing Oil has had two deaths in a 24-hour span. First, the death of Sen. Ted Kennedy last night, and then today, the death of author Dominick Dunne, 83. His 17 points extends Ewing Oil's lead to 255-141.5. This is the second time Ewing Oil has recorded four deaths in one month (July, 2007).
"Just speechless right now," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "Kennedy and Dunne in one day. This is almost too good to be true."
"Just speechless right now," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "Kennedy and Dunne in one day. This is almost too good to be true."
Kennedy Gives Ewing Oil a Trick
The death of Sen. Ted Kennedy, 77, has given Ewing Oil a hat trick for the month of August. Following S.V.D.'s own recent victim of brain cancer, Robert Novack, Ewing Oil has answered right back with their second Kennedy casualty of the month. The 23 points of Ewing Oil's first overall pick in the 2009 draft, plus the 10 bonus hat trick points, now gives Ewing Oil a 238-141.5 lead.
"The pattern this year so far seems to be that when S.V.D. scores, we answer back," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "I couldn't be prouder of our team than I am at this moment."
"The pattern this year so far seems to be that when S.V.D. scores, we answer back," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "I couldn't be prouder of our team than I am at this moment."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Novak Answers for S.V.D.
The most entertaining season ever of Our Sick Game just keeps getting better and better. Today, Sweet Valley Death's Robert Novak, 78, died after a long battle with brain cancer. His 22 points cuts Ewing Oil's lead to 205-143.5.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Original Guitar Hero Les Paul Dead
Ewing Oil has quickly rebounded from the disappointment of Sweet Valley Death's successful insurance claim on Eunice Kennedy Shriver with the death of guitar legend Les Paul. The 94 year old's six points serve to counter the six points denied Ewing Oil by S.V.D. from Shriver's death. Now with two deaths barely halfway through the month, Ewing Oil is an excellent spot to convert the coveted hat trick.
"Les came through," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "S.V.D. did their thing this week, but this is how we roll now. We're not going to take their crap lying down anymore."
Ewing Oil has extended their lead to 205-121.5, and in seven and a half months have already shattered their own single season mark for points scored.
"Les came through," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "S.V.D. did their thing this week, but this is how we roll now. We're not going to take their crap lying down anymore."
Ewing Oil has extended their lead to 205-121.5, and in seven and a half months have already shattered their own single season mark for points scored.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Insurance A Success
Sweet Valley Death has pulled off a successful insurance policy following the death this morning of Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Her 12 points -- six of which were awarded to Ewing Oil when the policy was taken -- will be split by the two teams. As a result, S.V.D. picks up the remaining six points, and now trails by the score of 199-121.5.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Insurance Taken Out on Eunice Kennedy Shriver
Sweet Valley Death is taking no chances with the health status of Eunice Kennedy Shriver, who was rushed to the hospital today and is listed in critical condition. S.V.D. has taken out an insurance policy on the 88-year-old, thus awarding six points to Ewing Oil. If Kennedy Shriver does not pass away by 10:14 p.m on August 17, the additional six points will be awarded to Ewing Oil. Should she die before that time, however, S.V.D. will claim those six points. As of now, Ewing Oil leads by the score of 199-115.5.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
At the End of July...
With seven months of the season now in the books, Ewing Oil has maintained control of the game with a 193-115.5 lead. A recap:
Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Ricardo Montalban, 12
February -- Paul Harvey, 10
April -- * Insurance taken on Stephen Hawking, 16.5
May -- Dom DeLuise, 25, Dom DiMaggio, 8
July -- Karl Malden, 3, Robert McNamara, 7, Corazon Aquino, 24 (+10 hat trick bonus)
Ewing Oil:
April -- Harry Kalas, 27, Bea Arthur, 14
June -- Ed McMahon, 14, Farrah Fawcett, 38, Michael Jackson, 50 (+10 hat trick bonus)
July -- Walter Cronkite, 8, Jim Johnson, 32
Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Ricardo Montalban, 12
February -- Paul Harvey, 10
April -- * Insurance taken on Stephen Hawking, 16.5
May -- Dom DeLuise, 25, Dom DiMaggio, 8
July -- Karl Malden, 3, Robert McNamara, 7, Corazon Aquino, 24 (+10 hat trick bonus)
Ewing Oil:
April -- Harry Kalas, 27, Bea Arthur, 14
June -- Ed McMahon, 14, Farrah Fawcett, 38, Michael Jackson, 50 (+10 hat trick bonus)
July -- Walter Cronkite, 8, Jim Johnson, 32
