Our Sick Game 2014

Rounding out the lineup for Ewing Oil and Sweet Valley Death are 15 keepers from the 2007 rosters.

Ewing Oil:
Walter Cronkite, 91
Andy Rooney, 88
Nancy Reagan, 86
Ed McMahon, 84
Estelle Getty, 84
Henry Kissinger, 84
Charlton Heston, 83
Ariel Sharon, 79
Jack Kevorkian, 79
Malcolm Glazer, 79
George Steinbrenner, 77
Larry Hagman, 76
Elizabeth Taylor, 75
Muhammed Ali, 65
Elizabeth Edwards, 58

Sweet Valley Death:
Kirk Douglas, 91
Eunice Kennedy Shriver, 86
Margaret Thatcher, 82
Andy Griffith, 81
Queen Elizabeth II, 81
Fidel Castro, 81
Dick Clark, 78
Pat Summerall, 78
Gene Wilder, 74
Louis Farrakhan, 74
Wilford Brimley, 73
Charlie Watts, 66
Stephen Hawking, 65
Louis Anderson, 54
Tony Snow, 52

With the second overall pick, Sweet Valley Death selected singer Amy Winehouse, 24. Here are the rest of S.V.D.'s draft picks for the 2008 season.

1. Amy Winehouse, 24
2. Mary Travers, 70
3. Danny Federici, 57
4. Sargent Shriver, 92
5. Prince Phillip, 86
6. Suzanne Pleshette, 70
7. Robin Roberts, 47
8. Mindy McCready, 32
9. Scott Weiland, 40
10. Ronnie Biggs, 78
11. Liza Minelli, 61
12. Billy Graham, 89
13. Loretta Lynn, 73
14. Jerry Lee Lewis, 72
15. Stan Musial, 87
16. Michael J. Fox, 46
17. Ruby Dee, 83
18. Vern Troyer, 38
19. Sir Edmund Hillary, 88
20. Bobby Bowden, 78
21. Roger Moore, 80
22. Rue McClanahan, 73
23. John Paul Stevens, 87
24. Mickey Rooney, 87
25. Bo Didley, 79
26. Chuck Berry, 81
27. Don Rickles, 81
28. Ed Asner, 78
29. George H.W. Bush, 83
30. Jimmy Carter, 83
31. Dom DeLuise, 74
32. Mikhail Gorbachev, 76
33. Robert Mugabe, 83
34. Carl Reiner, 85
35. Les Paul, 82
36. Robert McNamara, 91
37. Ricardo Montalban, 87
38. Mel Brooks, 81
39. Chuck Yeager, 84
40. Conrad Bain, 84
41. Abe Vigoda, 86
42. Gerald McRaney, 60
43. Phyllis Diller, 90
44. Saraa Barhoum, 11
45. Jack Vance, 91
46. Ehud Olmert, 62
47. George Putnam, 93
48. Ayman al-Zawahiri, 56
49. Doris Day, 83
50. Carl Karcher, 90
51. Jack LaLanne, 93
52. Paul Harvey, 89
53. John Roberts, 52
54. Willie Nelson, 74
55. Jonathan Winters, 82
56. Katherine Helmond, 79
57. Arnold Palmer, 78
58. Harry Morgan, 92
59. Beverly Cleary, 91
60. Karl Malden, 95
61. Olivia de Havilland, 91
62. Stuart Scott, 42
63. Chuck Bednarik, 82
64. Frank Gifford, 77
65. Art Modell, 82
66. David Hasselhoff, 55
67. Nick Hogan, 17
68. Dom DiMaggio, 90
69. Andy Williams, 80
70. F. Lee Bailey, 74
71. Larry King, 74
72. Betty White, 85
73. Iyad Allawi, 62
74. Eartha Kitt, 80
75. David Crosby, 66
76. Peter Gammons, 62
77. Al Davis, 78
78. Ann B. Davis, 81
79. Brian Wilson, 65
80. Greg Page, 35
81. Horatio Sanz, 38
82. Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., 89
83. Leonard Nimoy, 76
84. Ross Perot, 77
85. Sidney Lumet, 83

With the first overall pick in the draft, Ewing Oil selected -- for the second year in a row -- someone in a coma, this time former Dallas Cowboy Ron Springs, 51. Here are the rest of Ewing Oil's draft picks for 2008.

1. Ron Springs, 51
2. Rep. Pete Dominici, 71
3. Charles Durning, 84
4. Gen Pervez Musharraf, 64
5. Russell Watson, 41
6. Artie Lange, 40
7. Tony Curtis, 82
8. Farrah Fawcett, 60
9. Britney Spears, 26
10. Zsa Zsa Gabor, 90
11. Paul Newman, 82
12. Jerry Lewis, 81
13. Andy Dick, 42
14. Nelson Mandela, 89
15. Betty Ford, 89
16. Don Pardo, 89
17. Mike Wallace, 89
18. Bob Barker, 84
19. Lauren Bacall, 83
20. Joe Paterno, 81
21. George Kennedy, 82
22. George McGovern,85
23. Tom McEwen, 84
24. Teri Garr, 66
25. Helen Thomas, 87
26. B.B. King, 82
27. Jesse Helms, 86
28. Robert Byrd, 90
29. Lindsay Lohan, 21
30. Phil Lesh, 67
31. Rosalyn Carter, 81
32. Harry Dean Stanton, 81
33. Keith Richards, 64
34. Vin Scully, 80
35. Barbara Bush, 82
36. Terry Jones, 65
37. Roger Ebert, 65
38. Barry Corbin, 67
39. Phil Spector, 68
40. Conrad Dobler, 57
41. Hugh Hefner, 81
42. Christopher Lee, 85
43. Ken Kercheval, 72
44. Ray Bradbury, 87
45. Arthur C. Clarke, 90
46. Sherwood Schwartz, 91
47. John Forsythe, 89
48. John Chaney, 75
49. Dick Cheney, 66
50. Bob Dole, 84
51. Eli Wallach, 92
52. Pope Benedict XVI, 80
53. Aretha Franklin, 65
54. Wayne Newton, 65
55. John Goodman, 55
56. Leslie Nielsen, 81
57. Earl Campbell, 52
58. Jim Brown, 71
59. Studs Terkel, 95
60. John Wooden, 97
61. Art Linkletter, 95
62. Neil Armstrong, 77
63. O.A. Bum Phillips, 84
64. Buddy Ryan, 73
65. Sandra Day O'Connor, 77
66. Soupy Sales, 81
67. Margaret Truman, 83
68. Martin Landau, 76
69. Ernest Borgnine, 90
70. Richard Dawson, 75
71. Gary Glitter, 63
72. Bea Arthur, 84
73. Luis Echeverria, 85
74. Hamid Karzai, 50
75. Sidney Potier, 80
76. Bettie Page, 84
77. Keith Jackson, 79
78. Hal Holbrook, 82
79. Yogi Berra, 82
80. Casey Kasem, 75
81. Nicole Richie, 26
82. Whitney Houston, 44
83. Barack Obama, 46
84. Hugh Downs, 86
85. Kurt Angle, 39

With two weeks officially left in the season, it's officially over. The death of Dan Fogelberg, and his accompanying 44 points, has given Sweet Valley Death a clearly insurmountable 250-134 lead over Ewing Oil. His death from cancer puts a (possible) finishing touch on a simply outstanding season by Sweet Valley Death.
"Even we are in awe of what S.V.D. accomplished this season," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "No Golden Girls, former first ladies, or grieving moneyballed widows can help us now."

Now in the final month of the season, Sweet Valley Death seems to have a comfortable lead, pulling ahead of Ewing Oil by a score of 206-134. A recap:

Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Art Buchwald, 19
February -- Anna Nicole Smith, 61
March -- Ernest Gallo, 3
April -- Kitty Carlisle Hart, 4, Boris Yeltsin, 24, Tom Poston, 15
May -- Jerry Falwell, 27
June -- Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert, 11
October -- Joey Bishop, 11
November -- Evel Knievel, 31

Ewing Oil:
July -- Lady Bird Johnson, 6, Tammy Faye Messner, 35, Ingmar Bergman, 11, Bill Walsh, 25
August -- Merv Griffin, 18
September -- Luciano Pavarotti, 29 , Jane Wyman, 10