Our Sick Game 2014

Estelle Getty, known for playing Sophia on "The Golden Girls" and a long-time member of Ewing Oil, has died at the age of 84. For many years, Getty suffered from dementia and she finally succumbed to her illness on Tuesday. Conveniently for Ewing Oil, Getty died just three days before what would have been her 85th birthday. Her death now gives Sweet Valley Death a 177-73 lead.

"It was a huge boost of morale to have Estelle go after all this time," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "We made her a keeper for a reason and she finally paid off for us. For her to go right before a birthday just shows what kind of team player she was and her level of dedication to Ewing Oil."

A Fourth of July pick has finally paid off for Sweet Valley Death. Tony Snow, 53, S.V.D.'s pick in the 2007 supplemental draft, died on Saturday after battling colon cancer. As the designated moneyball player for S.V.D., his death yields an Our Sick Game record 94 points. Anna Nicole Smith still holds the all-time points record for a non-moneyball player with 61 points in 2007, which was also recorded by S.V.D.

Snow's death gives S.V.D. an amazing 177-57 lead over Ewing Oil, who must now rely on their own moneyball, the 52-year-old Ron Springs, to have any chance of getting back in the game this season.

One of the most anticipated events in every season of Our Sick Game is the 4th of July Supplemental Draft. As per custom, the team trailing on July 4 gets the first pick in the draft. Today, Ewing Oil surprised the world by selecting convicted murderer and one-time member of the "Manson Family," Susan Atkins. The 60-year-old Atkins is still serving a life sentence in prison and suffers from terminal brain cancer. She is not expected to live out the year, and recently had her request for early release denied by a judge.
"We were estatic when we found out about Atkins," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "It's not often you get a chance to add someone of her caliber to your squad. We expect nothing but good things from her in the very near future."
In selecting Atkins, Ewing Oil defied conventional wisdom in not selecting everyones favorite victim of pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze. Sweet Valley Death happily chose Swayze, 55, with their pick, calling the choice a "no-brainer."
A Sweet Valley Death spokesperson lamented that neither Ted Kennedy or Arlen Specter could be selected today, urging the ailing politicians to "hang in there" and said, "We'll get to you soon."
Sweet Valley Death currently holds a 83-57 lead over Ewing Oil as the teams head into the second half of the season.

With half the season now in the books, Sweet Valley Death has extended its lead over Ewing Oil to 83-43. A recap:

Sweet Valley Death:
January -- Sir Edmund Hillary, 12, Carl Karcher, 10, Suzanne Pleshette, 30 (+10 hat-trick bonus)
June -- Bo Diddley, 21

Ewing Oil:
January -- Margaret Truman, 17, Arthur C. Clarke, 10
April -- Charlton Heston, 16