Tuesday, January 29, 2008
TRUMAN SHOW; Harry's Daughter Dead
Ewing Oil is on the board courtesy of the daughter of former president Harry S Truman. Margaret Truman, an actress, singer, and author, has died at the age of 83 following a brief illness. Truman, Ewing Oil's 67th overall pick in this year's draft, earned 17 points to cut the Sweet Valley Death lead to 64-17. The news of her death came as a great relief to Ewing Oil, who went over six month last season before its first death."The first one is always the hardest one to get, especially for us," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "It's nice to be on the board, and especially gratifying that we could have someone like Truman -- a player brand new to the game -- step up so soon and say, 'Hey, death, come and get me.' It's refreshing."
Monday, January 21, 2008
HAT TRICK; S.V.D., Pleshette Make History
Sweet Valley Death, the juggernaut that just keeps on truckin', completed the first official hat trick in Our Sick Game history yesterday following the death of actress Suzanne Pleshette, 70. Although her death earned S.V.D. 30 points, it also garnered an additional 10 points as part of the newly instituted hat trick bonus for three deaths in a calendar month. S.V.D. now leads the bumbling Ewing Oil squad 62-0 just 21 days into the new season.What's particularly galling about this death, from the perspective of Ewing Oil, is that not only did Pleshette spend 2007 on the Oil roster, but was designated as its moneyball player!
"We have no one to blame for this disaster but ourselves," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "S.V.D. took her with the number six pick in this year's draft. Realistically, if we weren't going to make her a keeper -- which we most definitely should have -- we shouldn't have let her hang around past the top five. "
"This is a huge swing in the game, and I wouldn't be surprised if it costs us dearly. We're clearly going to need a lot of points again this season, and I hope this is a wake-up call for you, Ron Springs. Let's do this thing."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
HARDEE HAR-HAR; Karcher Dead at 90
Carl Karcher, burger legend and founder of the Hardee's franchise, died on Jan. 11, 2008, at the age of 90. Add 10 more points into the plus column for Sweet Valley Death, who now leads 22-0 less than three weeks into the new season. That death now puts S.V.D. just one off scoring the first sanctioned "hat-trick" ever in Our Sick Game, which would earn them 10 bonus points for one more casualty in the month of January.Friday, January 11, 2008
S.V.D. Strikes First; Hillary Dead
The season is now officially underway following the death of Sir Edmund Hillary, 88, of a heart attack. For the third consecutive season, it is Sweet Valley Death getting on the board first and the defending champions now have a 12-0 lead over Ewing Oil. In the history of Our Sick Game, the team to score first has gone on to win each of the three seasons."This one is tough to swallow," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "Hillary was one our roster last year, and we had intended on bringing him back for 2008. Bad timing."
Thursday, January 10, 2008
2007 Our Sick Game Year in Review, Part 2
Trailing 164-0 on July 4, Ewing Oil approached the Supplemental Draft with an eye to the future. Fortunately for Ewing Oil, Elizabeth Edwards, 58, represented a can't miss prospect. Her selection assured her in a spot in the game for years -- or months -- to come. With their selection, Sweet Valley Death chose another great long-term player in Tony Snow, 52. On this 4th of July draft, cancer certainly proved to be the name of the game.
A week after the draft, Ewing Oil picked up their first points of the game following the death of Lady Bird Johnson, 94. Her six points provided a spark that would see Ewing Oil go on the longest run of success in franchise history. Tammy Faye Baker Messner soon followed with 35 points to make the score 164-41. Then, in a first for Our Sick Game, Ewing Oil recorded two deaths in a 24-hour span. Ingmar Bergman kicked things off with 11 points, followed by the stunning death of Bill Walsh, who added 25 more to Ewing Oil's total. In less than a month, Ewing Oil had narrowed the gap to the score of 164-77.
The momentum just kept on building for a newly energized Ewing Oil franchise. Merv Griffin added 18 points in August, and September saw the deaths of Luciano Pavarotti,71, and Jane Wyman,90. Remarkably, in less than three months Ewing Oil had made up 134 points on Sweet Valley Death. After trailing by 164 points in early July, Ewing Oil found itself only 30 points behind after scoring seven consecutive deaths, a franchise record.
Ewing Oil had its streak snapped in mid-October by Sweet Valley Death's Joey Bishop, 89. His death would get S.V.D. back on track after not having a single death since June. Evel Knievel added another 31 points to basically put the game out of reach in late November. In a move that some have interpreted as running up the score, S.V.D. got one final big score in December from an unanticipated source, singer Dan Fogelberg, 56. His 44 points provided the game's final death, and left the score at 250-134.
Each team earned 10 bonus points for having successful Survivor Series picks, so the final score of Our Sick Game in 2007 ended up being 260-144. The 260 points represents an all-time high score, as does the 11 deaths recorded by S.V.D. The 2007 season will always be remembered for the way S.V.D. ran out to a 164 point lead, and how Ewing Oil clawed their way back to within 30 points. In the end, Ewing Oil just ran out of gas in making the comeback attempt and a deeper S.V.D. team pulled away in the final months to close out the season.
A week after the draft, Ewing Oil picked up their first points of the game following the death of Lady Bird Johnson, 94. Her six points provided a spark that would see Ewing Oil go on the longest run of success in franchise history. Tammy Faye Baker Messner soon followed with 35 points to make the score 164-41. Then, in a first for Our Sick Game, Ewing Oil recorded two deaths in a 24-hour span. Ingmar Bergman kicked things off with 11 points, followed by the stunning death of Bill Walsh, who added 25 more to Ewing Oil's total. In less than a month, Ewing Oil had narrowed the gap to the score of 164-77.
The momentum just kept on building for a newly energized Ewing Oil franchise. Merv Griffin added 18 points in August, and September saw the deaths of Luciano Pavarotti,71, and Jane Wyman,90. Remarkably, in less than three months Ewing Oil had made up 134 points on Sweet Valley Death. After trailing by 164 points in early July, Ewing Oil found itself only 30 points behind after scoring seven consecutive deaths, a franchise record.
Ewing Oil had its streak snapped in mid-October by Sweet Valley Death's Joey Bishop, 89. His death would get S.V.D. back on track after not having a single death since June. Evel Knievel added another 31 points to basically put the game out of reach in late November. In a move that some have interpreted as running up the score, S.V.D. got one final big score in December from an unanticipated source, singer Dan Fogelberg, 56. His 44 points provided the game's final death, and left the score at 250-134.
Each team earned 10 bonus points for having successful Survivor Series picks, so the final score of Our Sick Game in 2007 ended up being 260-144. The 260 points represents an all-time high score, as does the 11 deaths recorded by S.V.D. The 2007 season will always be remembered for the way S.V.D. ran out to a 164 point lead, and how Ewing Oil clawed their way back to within 30 points. In the end, Ewing Oil just ran out of gas in making the comeback attempt and a deeper S.V.D. team pulled away in the final months to close out the season.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
2007 Our Sick Game Year in Review, Part 1
The 2007 season of Our Sick Game began with two teams going in opposite directions. Sweet Valley Death still savored the flavor from its first championship in 2006, while Ewing Oil still reeled from the successful insurance policy taken out on Saddam Hussein that denied them what would have been a remarkable back-to-back title.
With momentum on their side, just over two weeks into the new year Sweet Valley Death opened the scoring with 19 points, courtesy of 81-year-old columnist Art Buchwald. One seemingly innocuous death would soon be overshadowed by one of the most spectacularly significant deaths in the history of Our Sick Game. In early February, the death of Anna Nicole Smith, 39, rocked the game to its foundation. Her 61 points represented the single largest point total in the history of the game, and less than six weeks into the season, catapulted Sweet Valley Death to an 80-0 lead. Making matters worse for Ewing Oil? S.V.D. selected Smith with their 65th, and final, overall pick in the draft following the selection by Ewing Oil of Nicole Richie.
"This game's about dying and that's what she did," said Our Sick Game analyst John Madden following Smith's death. "I don't know if anyone was looking for her to make this kind of statement so early in her career, but we knew she had the talent. Every time someone saw her, they'd always say, 'She's definitely going to die.' And Anna Nicole paid off on all that early promise."
S.V.D. would keep the hits coming in the weeks to come. Ernest Gallo, 97, and Kitty Carlisle Hart, 96, would chip in with 3 and 4 points respectively to increase S.V.D.'s lead to 87-0. The death of Boris Yeltsin, 76, in late April extended S.V.D's lead by 24 more points to 111-0. Days later, Tom Poston chipped in 15 points for S.V.D.'s sixth consecutive death and a 126-0 lead. Ewing Oil had no explanation for their slump nor S.V.D.'s dominating performance. The 2005 champions just needed one break to go in their favor to turn the season around.
Ewing Oil appeared to finally catch a break in late May when S.V.D.'s Jerry Falwell, 73, had been rushed to the hospital in serious condition. Ewing Oil then attempted to take out an insurance policy on the preacher. The policy, which would have earned Ewing Oil 13.5 points, was rejected when it was learned that Falwell had died before it could be issued. As a result, S.V.D. increased its lead to 153-0 over a dejected Ewing Oil franchise.
In another cruel twist, one of Ewing Oil's former picks, Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert, would die in June at the age of 89 and earn S.V.D. 11 more points. This extended S.V.D.'s lead to a simply unimaginable 164-0 lead at the midway point of the season. Ewing Oil's only hope to salvage its season, and the future, would lie in its 4th of July Supplemental Draft pick.
TOMORROW: Part Two of the 2007 Year in Review
With momentum on their side, just over two weeks into the new year Sweet Valley Death opened the scoring with 19 points, courtesy of 81-year-old columnist Art Buchwald. One seemingly innocuous death would soon be overshadowed by one of the most spectacularly significant deaths in the history of Our Sick Game. In early February, the death of Anna Nicole Smith, 39, rocked the game to its foundation. Her 61 points represented the single largest point total in the history of the game, and less than six weeks into the season, catapulted Sweet Valley Death to an 80-0 lead. Making matters worse for Ewing Oil? S.V.D. selected Smith with their 65th, and final, overall pick in the draft following the selection by Ewing Oil of Nicole Richie.
"This game's about dying and that's what she did," said Our Sick Game analyst John Madden following Smith's death. "I don't know if anyone was looking for her to make this kind of statement so early in her career, but we knew she had the talent. Every time someone saw her, they'd always say, 'She's definitely going to die.' And Anna Nicole paid off on all that early promise."
S.V.D. would keep the hits coming in the weeks to come. Ernest Gallo, 97, and Kitty Carlisle Hart, 96, would chip in with 3 and 4 points respectively to increase S.V.D.'s lead to 87-0. The death of Boris Yeltsin, 76, in late April extended S.V.D's lead by 24 more points to 111-0. Days later, Tom Poston chipped in 15 points for S.V.D.'s sixth consecutive death and a 126-0 lead. Ewing Oil had no explanation for their slump nor S.V.D.'s dominating performance. The 2005 champions just needed one break to go in their favor to turn the season around.
Ewing Oil appeared to finally catch a break in late May when S.V.D.'s Jerry Falwell, 73, had been rushed to the hospital in serious condition. Ewing Oil then attempted to take out an insurance policy on the preacher. The policy, which would have earned Ewing Oil 13.5 points, was rejected when it was learned that Falwell had died before it could be issued. As a result, S.V.D. increased its lead to 153-0 over a dejected Ewing Oil franchise.
In another cruel twist, one of Ewing Oil's former picks, Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert, would die in June at the age of 89 and earn S.V.D. 11 more points. This extended S.V.D.'s lead to a simply unimaginable 164-0 lead at the midway point of the season. Ewing Oil's only hope to salvage its season, and the future, would lie in its 4th of July Supplemental Draft pick.
TOMORROW: Part Two of the 2007 Year in Review
Monday, January 07, 2008
Anna Nicole Named MVP for 2007
It's unanimous. In one of the most decisive MVP votes yet, Anna Nicole Smith has joined the ranks of Peter Jennings and Fidel Castro as a Most Valuable Player of Our Sick Game. Anna Nicole earned this award the hard way. Not only was she the 65th and final player taken in the 2007 draft, but her 61 points were the largest point total for a death in the history of Our Sick Game. From a psychological standpoint, her death and subsequent points were the turning point of the entire season."Her death set the tone, most definitely," said a spokesperson for Ewing Oil. "Turns out we would have lost even if you took away her 61 points, but to have the last pick of the draft die in such a spectacular fashion, and for that amount, it was completely demoralizing."
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Draft Breakdown
Here are some notable stats to emerge from the 2008 draft:
Youngest player drafted:
Saraa Barhoum, 11 (Sweet Valley Death)
Oldest player drafted:
John Wooden, 97 (Ewing Oil)
Number of players drafted by Sweet Valley Death between 30-69 yrs. old:
22 (17 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Ewing Oil between 30-69 yrs. old:
27 (16 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Sweet Valley Death between 90-99 yrs. old:
12 (9 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Ewing Oil between 90-99 yrs. old:
9 (7 in 2007)
"Hit the Road, Jack" Award to players not returning to the game in 2008:
Gloria Stuart, Pat Burns, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ante Gotovina, Gordon Hinckley, G. Gordon Liddy, Annette Funicello, Lee Greenwood, and Glenn Frey.
"Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" Award to former Ewing Oil members now on Sweet Valley Death:
Suzanne Pleshette, Scott Weiland, Ronnie Biggs, Billy Graham, Michael J. Fox, Sir Edmund Hillary, Rue McClanahan, Mickey Rooney, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Dom DeLuise, Mikhail Gorbachev, Gerald McRaney, Phyllis Diller, Karl Malden, Olivia de Havilland, Art Modell, Dom DiMaggio, Betty White, Eartha Kitt, Greg Page.
"Goodbye To You" Award to former Sweet Valley Death members now on Ewing Oil:
Charles Durning, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Jerry Lewis, Bob Barker, George Kennedy, B.B. King, Jesse Helms, Robert Byrd, Vin Scully, Christopher Lee, Arthur C. Clarke, Bob Dole, John Wooden, Art Linkletter, Richard Dawson, Gary Glitter, and Casey Kasem.
Youngest player drafted:
Saraa Barhoum, 11 (Sweet Valley Death)
Oldest player drafted:
John Wooden, 97 (Ewing Oil)
Number of players drafted by Sweet Valley Death between 30-69 yrs. old:
22 (17 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Ewing Oil between 30-69 yrs. old:
27 (16 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Sweet Valley Death between 90-99 yrs. old:
12 (9 in 2007)
Number of players drafted by Ewing Oil between 90-99 yrs. old:
9 (7 in 2007)
"Hit the Road, Jack" Award to players not returning to the game in 2008:
Gloria Stuart, Pat Burns, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ante Gotovina, Gordon Hinckley, G. Gordon Liddy, Annette Funicello, Lee Greenwood, and Glenn Frey.
"Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" Award to former Ewing Oil members now on Sweet Valley Death:
Suzanne Pleshette, Scott Weiland, Ronnie Biggs, Billy Graham, Michael J. Fox, Sir Edmund Hillary, Rue McClanahan, Mickey Rooney, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Dom DeLuise, Mikhail Gorbachev, Gerald McRaney, Phyllis Diller, Karl Malden, Olivia de Havilland, Art Modell, Dom DiMaggio, Betty White, Eartha Kitt, Greg Page.
"Goodbye To You" Award to former Sweet Valley Death members now on Ewing Oil:
Charles Durning, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Jerry Lewis, Bob Barker, George Kennedy, B.B. King, Jesse Helms, Robert Byrd, Vin Scully, Christopher Lee, Arthur C. Clarke, Bob Dole, John Wooden, Art Linkletter, Richard Dawson, Gary Glitter, and Casey Kasem.
New Twists for 2008
This season of Our Sick Game will feature a few new sick twists. For the first time ever, a bonus will be given to a team that can record three deaths in a calendar month. Recording a "hat trick" will earn the lucky team a bonus of 10 points. No extra points are earned for any more than three deaths, however, as it is a one-time bonus once three deaths are reached in a calendar month.
A twist on the popular insurance feature will also be introduced this season. Beginning on the first day of October, a team can voluntarily remove their moneyball designation if it is still in play. For example, if S.V.D.'s Tony Snow is still alive on October 1, 2008, S.V.D. can take away his moneyball status. The catch is that double-points will automatically go to the next player to die from either team. This so called "pull the goalie" move could be a huge strategic play for a team trailing in a close contest. But having an empty net could also result in the other team putting the game away with an uncontested, double-valued death. It is truly an innovative and creative addition to Our Sick Game.
Finally, the popular Survivor Series is back and the rosters have been increased to 15 per team. That'll make it even harder to earn the points up for grab at season's end.
A twist on the popular insurance feature will also be introduced this season. Beginning on the first day of October, a team can voluntarily remove their moneyball designation if it is still in play. For example, if S.V.D.'s Tony Snow is still alive on October 1, 2008, S.V.D. can take away his moneyball status. The catch is that double-points will automatically go to the next player to die from either team. This so called "pull the goalie" move could be a huge strategic play for a team trailing in a close contest. But having an empty net could also result in the other team putting the game away with an uncontested, double-valued death. It is truly an innovative and creative addition to Our Sick Game.
Finally, the popular Survivor Series is back and the rosters have been increased to 15 per team. That'll make it even harder to earn the points up for grab at season's end.
Survivor Series 2008 Picks
A huge fan favorite of Our Sick Game is the Survivor Series. Unlike 2007, each team will now select 15 players from the other team's roster who they believe will not die in 2008. If each of the selected players remains alive at the end of 2008, 15 points will be awarded to the lucky team. No partial credit will be awarded. Mediocrity is frowned upon, not rewarded, here at Our Sick Game. Let's see if both teams can repeat their successful 2007 campaigns.
Sweet Valley Death:
Kurt Angle
Dick Cheney
Andy Dick
Roger Ebert
Teri Garr
Gary Glitter
John Goodman
Whitney Houston
Terry Jones
Lindsay Lohan
Paul Newman
Wayne Newton
Barack Obama
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Ewing Oil:
Saraa Barhoum
Michael J. Fox
David Hasselhoff
Nick Hogan
Larry King
Leonard Nimoy
Greg Page
Ross Perot
Prince Phillip
John Roberts
Horatio Sanz
Stuart Scott
Vern Troyer
Scott Weiland
Betty White
Sweet Valley Death:
Kurt Angle
Dick Cheney
Andy Dick
Roger Ebert
Teri Garr
Gary Glitter
John Goodman
Whitney Houston
Terry Jones
Lindsay Lohan
Paul Newman
Wayne Newton
Barack Obama
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Ewing Oil:
Saraa Barhoum
Michael J. Fox
David Hasselhoff
Nick Hogan
Larry King
Leonard Nimoy
Greg Page
Ross Perot
Prince Phillip
John Roberts
Horatio Sanz
Stuart Scott
Vern Troyer
Scott Weiland
Betty White
Moneyballs Announced
It's January 1, the start of the 2008 season of Our Sick Game, so that can only mean one thing: the long-awaited announcement of Moneyball selections.
For the back-to-back champion Sweet Valley Death, the honor will go to Tony Snow, who at 52 years old would earn 96 points for S.V.D. Ewing Oil has designated newcomer Ron Springs, 51, as its Moneyball selection. His death could earn Ewing Oil up to 98 points. Good luck to Sweet Valley Death, Tony Snow, Ewing Oil, and Ron Springs in the upcoming season.
For the back-to-back champion Sweet Valley Death, the honor will go to Tony Snow, who at 52 years old would earn 96 points for S.V.D. Ewing Oil has designated newcomer Ron Springs, 51, as its Moneyball selection. His death could earn Ewing Oil up to 98 points. Good luck to Sweet Valley Death, Tony Snow, Ewing Oil, and Ron Springs in the upcoming season.
Sweet Valley Death, 2007 Champion
Congratulations to the winner of Our Sick Game 2007, Sweet Valley Death. S.V.D. proved its mettle over a grueling and exciting 12-month campaign, defeating Ewing Oil 260-144. As champion of Our Sick Game, Sweet Valley Death has earned another year with the Johnny Carson Cup, the most hallowed and cherished trophy in the world. In addition, S.V.D.'s prize will be a $50 gift card to Best Buy.Check back soon for a recap of the 2007 Our Sick Game season.
